Things I Miss...

I miss my youth. I miss going down the block to play with my best friend, and then trying to sneak back after it had already gotten dark. I miss snowcones. I miss playing M.A.S.H. forty times in a row until I had finally gotten the job and the house that I wanted. I miss knowing that Thursday was Mac-n-Cheese day in the cafeteria, and that Friday was Oregon Trail day in computer class. I miss that these things were my life, and that anything beyond that was of no great importance.

I miss spending all night goofing off, and then rushing to finish my homework in study hall. I miss that last class on Friday afternoon, knowing that the weekend was all yours to do whatever you wanted to do. I miss knowing what each day held for you, what assignments were due, which class to go to. I miss sitting down to a good bowl of soup at Panera with that one creepy guy looking on in the background. I miss going on road trips with my best girls and Tom Petty blasting in the background. I miss being able to pick up the phone and meet them somewhere, whenever and for whatever.

I miss seeing my roommate Mike in his bright orange pants. I miss playing frisbee in the hallway and sleeping through fire alarms. I miss passing up schoolwork to download music from the comfort of my dorm room. I miss dressing up to go out for drinks, only to be reminded that college boys aren't worth it.

I miss my grandpa. I miss knowing that when I came home on the weekends I would be able to have lunch with him and catch up on the lady at church or the neighbor across the street. I miss the angel food cake he would prepare if he knew I was coming over, and the way he would cut me an extra big piece "just because". I miss the way that he listened to every word that I said like it was a matter of national importance. I miss his purple jacket.

I miss not having bills to pay, and being able to dish out a few extra bucks for those really cool must-have shoes. I miss spending my days off going to craft stores with my mom to pick out that perfect touch for the wedding decorations. I miss laughing at the smudged invitation that looked like a 4-year-old made it. I miss dropping by the gallery to show her my newest creation, and her encouragement that made me feel like I belonged among Rembrandt and Picasso. I miss painting.

I miss the predictability of youth. I miss having the future laid out for me as we did when we were young. I miss the days when yes meant yes and no meant no and anything inbetween was inconsequential. I miss knowing which step to take next, without fear of falling and without looking back. But in all of this, I guess the one thing that I miss the most is simply........my innocence.